Tuesday, November 25, 2008


i have the evil sickness. it's got me. in my lungs. coughing. gagging. sick.

the best thing for me i am sure would be sleep. but that isnt going to happen, not with a sick Rome and sick Toly. poor Toly was up and fitfull all night, sweaty then cold then hot and delirious. i hope today brings antibiotic relief. i am using Belladonna 30x and Astragalus in addition to the drugs, thank you all for your suggestions. A giant 4 gallon pot of bone broth simmers on the stove- it is 24 hours in. soon i will strain it and put aside some to freeze, some for thanksgiving stuffing and some for a giant pot of soup today. i am out of gingerroot, unfortunately, and kombu. but i will use plenty of garlic in the soup. and homemade eggs noodles, chicken, onions, carrots, parsley, & dill.

yesterday we saw the same doctor that told us he thinks Anatoly is autistic. it was really good to talk to him again, after having a week or two to research. i told him some days i feel like autism isnt even a possibility and other days i ask my self, gosh, maybe it is? he was good natured about it. he said it will take time for us to know how he will ultimately be, but that this diagnosis can be a tool to help us get through this wait- knowing it is not our fault, finding other parenting techniques instead of trying to make our work on him. (beating our heads against the wall). of course these are things we were doing anyway, but not without a measure of worry that we had spoiled Toly or something. why wont he listen? why does he hurt me so much? why does he bite himself? why does 'time out' not work on him?

there is still so much missing from autism for him- at least from the classic picture. but that doesn't mean we are on the wrong track to read about autism, sensory disorders, etc. as he grows we will see him bloom, and perhaps he will catch up with speech and be a regular guy. perhaps he wont. either way, nothing is lost by learning.

my only charge today is to keep everyone alive. there are things i would like to do, too- like dig through all my boxes of yarn. probably not going to happen. i would like to buy the yarn i want for Toly's Totoro Sweater but i have to get Karl-Approval first.

thank you all for supporting my decision to stop milking for now. it feels so good i cannot say. once we get the cows bred back we will be parting with Nimue & Phoenix (as much as we will need phoenix for food) and then probably Rori too when Jocelyn is weaned... sigh. it feels right though.
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