Saturday, January 31, 2009

i would like, if i may

- to make curtains for the front room. i have the fabric and the skill set. but i have not the freedom to do so.

-to cut flannel for wipes. again i have the fabric and the know-how. but alas.

- to knit. anything. everything. but toly is having a rough time and romneya is pulling up and crawling all over the place and it just isn't going to happen. in the evening, by the tie i get people to sleep everyone wants the lights off. i don't have a place i can sit and knit with the light on that is not disruptive. part of what really makes me feel frantic about this is that i know with March coming, knitting will fall by the wayside. it always has- gardening season takes all my time.

recently, each day i say to myself, i will clean the kitchen, progress the laundry and prep for the evening meal and then i will do [insert one of the above creative tasks here]. but i never finish the chores in time, i feel like cinderella and sewing the curtains is the ball. where's my fairy godmother?

i know my children are only young for a short time and the curtains, wipes and knitting can wait. but tasks like these are my only relaxation. by my own design, i do not leave the kids. by our choice, i have no 'me' time. that's okay. if only i can have some small outlet to feel creative and singular. for a long while there, it was milking the cows. this summer, 'me' time will be found in the dense rows of tomatoes and under the bean arches, picking and tending. or it will be sitting in the rocker on the porch prepping pole beans for canning. in the fall 'me' time goes through another transition and becomes sewing or knitting again, or planning the garden... things are just tough at this moment. right? it will get better.

by the way, anatoly's DACY evaluation went well. he qualifies for EI based on the 2 OTs' opinion that he has Sensory Processing Disorder, our first non-bogus diagnosis. yay for Toly! we have agreed to start OT, though i am not sure we'll keep it up if it is too invasive.
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